All My Friends Are Getting Married and Having Babies and I'm Like

How To Deal When All Your Friends Become Married + Have Kids

Dear Sarah,

A agglomeration of my friends are getting married this year, and one of them is even having a son in a few weeks!  I am super happy for them.  The only thing that makes me nervous is when other people talk about how marriages and babies put a strain on friendships.  Will I run across my friends less and less every bit time goes on?  These are people I really care about, and I hope that isn't the case.

Also, I'm not really planning on getting married or having kids myself, so volition that make me an absolute loner (with no friends to hang out with, I mean) by the time I hit my 30s?

– Maya

Girl, I hear y'all.  I'm 32 and I grew up in the Midwest.

I have loftier school friends with 10-yr-old children and 95% of my friends are married or in a live-in human relationship. Navigating big-time life changes can be hard on any friendship.

Hither are a few things that I've tried to retrieve now that my friends and I spend New Year's Eve parties talking about crown molding, mortgage rates and charter schools.

How to stay buddies one time your friends have kids

Admit that friendships modify every bit you lot get older – regardless of marriage or kids

Nether the heading of "Not News To You:" life in your late 20s/early on 30s is pretty different from what you were doing when yous were 23.

You've probably got a job that you accept seriously, possibly you've got a mortgage and yous've probably gotten over your matter for keg stands.

Regardless of spousal relationship and children, your social life is going to change as people buy houses outside the city, work longer hours or finish going out on week nights.

And that's totally okay – modify is invigorating!  Just know that even if zero of your friends got married/had kids, things would withal exist dissimilar.

Husbands/wives/moms/dads all the same enjoy time away from their partners and kids

But considering someone'southward married or has kids doesn't mean they want to spend every.waking.infinitesimal with said spouse/child.  In fact, there's a pretty good take chances that they'd like to exit of the house and talk about something other than potty training.

When I was traveling through Peru and Republic of bolivia with my and so-alive-in-boyfriend, we often befriended solo travelers and traveled with them for days or weeks.  A few times they mentioned that they didn't want to be 'third wheels.'

To which we huffed: "ARE You KIDDING? We've been around each other 24 hours a mean solar day, for 3 weeks.  We are THRILLED to have someone new to talk to."

Adapt your expectations when you're hanging out with parent-friends

Kids are a lot of piece of work.  And if your friend has multiple children?  And they're young kids?  That concern is time-consuming.

I'm certain you're non expecting your child-having friends to meet you for spontaneous happy hours and stay out till 3:00 am on school nights, merely information technology's of import to make exceptions for them socially and emotionally.

I haaaaate information technology when friends bit out on plans nosotros've all committed to, but if you simply had a kid?  I'grand giving y'all a ane-year Leave Of The Doghouse Gratuitous card.

Possibly they're overwhelmed with a million well-meaning visitors, maybe the kiddo has a cold, maybe they forgot about one of the three thousand appointments that babies take.  Give 'em some elbowroom.

Other ways that you can make hanging out easier for your parent friends:

• Go to their house for dinner and bring the main dish
• Run across them some place that is both child and adult friendly
• If your friend is a stay-at-home parent, drop past their place during the middle of weekday (if that'southward possible.)  They're more probable to exist gratuitous/bored and desire company
• Brand certain your friends know that y'all're coming to see them and they don't need to melt yous anything/put on makeup/clean the house for youDon't presume they can't/don't want to hang out

Even if you're pretty sure your friend can't go out the kids for a Girls' Snowshoeing Weekend, invite her anyhow.  Because a) y'all never know b) she'll capeesh the effort.

Don't keep pointing out how different your lives are at present

Nobody likes to go dancing with that girl who keeps shouting over the music about how she doesn't go out now that she's "a boring former married lady."

And nobody enjoys the visitor of the girl who'south always sighing dramatically nigh her singleton life and telling yous how lucky you are to have found someone.  Everyone leads different lives and things change.

Merely because someone has a child or partner, doesn't hateful they don't remember what it'due south like to appointment.

And really, most people aren't spending their costless time obsessing over your relationship status – they're not going to think about it unless yous continue bringing it up.

Brand more friends

Not unlike your investments, you should diversify your friend portfolio.  What happens if yous met all your friends at work and and so you get laid off?  Or if you met all your buddies playing Magic and yous're set up to exit the globe of cards?

It's good to have different friends who run into different needs: the go-out-dancing friend, the deep-and-meaningful-conversation friend, the laugh-till-you-pee friend.

This is not to say you should surrender on your married/child-having friends, just few people ever regretted expanding their social circle. Here'due south a mail service I wrote about how to create an amazing grouping of friends.

But I want to hear from you! Where are you in the married/parent spectrum? Have you been able to maintain friendships with friends on the other side?

P.S. Why you lot should hang out with + date people you admire

photograph credit danielle macinnes and Benjaminrobyn Jespersen on Unsplash

All My Friends Are Getting Married and Having Babies and I'm Like

Source: https://www.yesandyes.org/2012/01/my-friends-are-all-married-with-kids.html

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